Dump The Chump

There comes a point in every girl's life when she wakes up, rolls over and says “what am I doing with this guy!” Usually he is the stereotypical fun yet bad boy; you know who he is, has no serious career ambitions, drives a POC (piece of crap) vehicle that you are embarrassed to be seen in and still calls his mom’s house home. Admit it you have dated this guy probably because you were bored at the time and looking for a little fun, but eventually you came to the realization that you had to dump the chump! Now there are a multitude of ways you can get rid of this leach, the easiest being to change your locks, phone number, hair color and routines. But this could turn your little dumped friend into an amateur stalker. And that looses its charm in a few days and then you are filing for either a restraining order or a pistol permit. (Both are a lot of paperwork for one little loser and not your intended resolution to this situation). So let’s try a kinder gentler approach by serving Mr. To-be-dumped a meal over which it can be explained that even though it was fun, for a few days, its time to move on to bigger (bank accounts) and better (dressed) things.

Once you have made up your mind to kick this guy to the curb you need the perfect menu for his last supper. Keep in mind that this is someone that you once had at least a few feelings for so you don’t want to poison him; at least I hope you don’t. Plus you will be eating this meal also. But there is a fine line you have to walk because you really don’t want to put too much effort into the dinner; I mean you are dumping this dude, right? So keep things light and easy and maybe a tiny bit sweet. Let’s hope that the sweet will take the sting out of the whole dumping process and you don’t find all of your personal quirks posted on Twitter.

Begin the meal with a salad; combining the sweet elements I mentioned with some tart ones, remember bittersweet is your goal. Plus making a salad is easy and there are an infinite amount of combinations you can come up with. Here is a recipe for Spinach & Melon Ball Salad. Start by opening a bag of triple-washed baby spinach and dump it into a large salad bowl with half each of thinly sliced red onion and green pepper and about one and a half cups of melon balls, like watermelon, cantaloupe and honeydew. In a separate bowl whisk together a quarter cup of red wine vinegar, two tablespoons honey, two teaspoons each of olive oil and lime juice and one teaspoon each of poppy seeds and crushed mint leaves. This salad has it all, nutritional value, sweetness, tang and the possibility of making the chump fail his next drug test.

Or you can try the tarter Mixed Greens with Apple Salad. Start by whisking a quarter cup olive oil, two tablespoons red wine vinegar, half a finely chopped shallot, salt and pepper right in the salad bowl. Add three thinly sliced celery stalks and one thinly sliced crisp apple to the dressing and toss to coat. Once this is done toss in about four cups of mixed greens, toss and sprinkle with toasted pumpkin seed kernels. I really like the addition of either seeds or nuts to my salads; they give a bit of crunch that is a nice change.

Now you ask, what do I serve for the main course? Well that’s easy, sandwiches! See they are yummy, but easy enough that you don’t expend too much energy on this yahoo. But make it seem a bit special by turning them into Paninis.

First here is a Sweet Cherry-Cheese Panini. Start by sautéing half a thinly sliced red onion with a quarter teaspoon of dried thyme until caramelized. Once this is accomplished stir in one-teaspoon Balsamic vinegar and season with salt and pepper, cook for a minute or so and then remove from the heat. Mix the cooled off onion mixture with a quarter cup of pitted and chopped fresh sweet cherries. In another bowl combine half a package of cream cheese and about two ounces of goat cheese until well blended. Spread the cheese mixture onto two slices of Italian bread, top with the cherry mixture and then two other slices of bread. Heat up a grill pan and place the sandwiches on it pressing them with a heavy pan, once golden brown flip and repeat the process. This sandwich is sweet, tangy, creamy and crunchy. And a plus is that it is not too heavy as to make Mr. To-be-dumped too full and lethargic; because the point of all this is to get him out of your house!

Another sweet and tangy Panini is made with chicken and fig jam. I make this sandwich on Ciabatta bread, which is crusty and chewy. Begin by combining one tablespoon of butter with two tablespoons of goat cheese until well blended. Spread the cheese mixture on two slices of the Ciabatta and top with some sliced grilled chicken breast, a little fresh baby spinach, salt and pepper. On the other slice of bread spread a nice thick layer of the fig jam, and press the sandwiches on a hot grill pan until golden brown.

I seriously wouldn’t waste my time making dessert for someone I don’t want to stay the night; however I might have something hidden just for me to enjoy after the carnage. Personally I think that the recipes shared here sugar coat the demise of a relationship enough, he doesn’t need anything else from you. Life is short girls don’t waste too much of your precious time on mediocrity and dump the chump. Oh, and don’t spend too much time worrying about his delicate emotions because he can always cry on his mom’s shoulder. The way I have come to think about this type of guy is that he was an accessory to match the outfit you were wearing at that particular time. You wouldn’t feel bad about tossing all that fake costume jewelry in the Goodwill bin; so why would you stress over recycling the man-boy chump?



Spinach & Melon Ball Salad

1 bag Triple washed baby spinach
½ Red onion, thinly sliced
½ Green pepper, thinly sliced
1 ½ cups Assorted melon balls
¼ cup Red wine vinegar
2 Tlbsp Honey
2 tsp. Olive oil
2 tsp. Lime juice
1 tsp. Poppy seeds
1 tsp. Mint leaves, crushed
Fill a bowl with the first 4 ingredients. In a separate bowl whisk together the remaining ingredients and toss with the salad.


Mixed Greens with Apple Salad

¼ cup Olive oil
2 Tlbsp Red wine vinegar
½ Shallot, finely chopped
Salt & pepper
3 stalks Celery, thinly sliced
1 Apple, thinly sliced
4 cups Mixed greens
¼ cup Toasted pumpkin seed kernels

In the bottom of a large bowl whisk together the first 4 ingredients. Toss the remaining ingredients with the dressing and serve.



Sweet Cherry-Cheese Panini


½ Red onion, thinly sliced
¼ tsp. Dried thyme
1 tsp. Balsamic
Salt & pepper
¼ cup Sweet cherries, pitted & chopped
½ pkg. Cream cheese, softened
2 oz. Goat cheese, softened
4 slices Italian bread

Sauté the onion and thyme in olive oil until caramelized, add the vinegar, salt and pepper, remove from heat and cool. Add cherries to onion mixture. Combine the cheeses well, spread onto two sliced of the bread, spoon the onion mixture on top and cover with the remaining bread. Press grill the sandwich until golden brown on each side.



Figgie Chicken Panini

4 slices Ciabatta bread
1 Tlbsp Butter
2 Tlbsp Goat cheese
½ lb. Grilled chicken breast, sliced
Small amt Baby spinach leaves
2 Tlbsp Fig jam

Combine the butter and cheese well and spread onto two slices of bread. Top with chicken and spinach and spread the jam onto the remaining slices of bread. Press grill until golden brown.